Emotional Intelligence: The Secret to Lasting Intimate Relationships

Introduction

We all want to be in lasting, intimate relationships. But what’s the key to making that happen? According to many experts, it’s emotional intelligence (EQ). EQ is the ability to be aware of your own emotions and the emotions of others. It’s also about being able to manage those emotions effectively. When you have high EQ, you’re better equipped to deal with the inevitable ups and downs that come along with any relationship.

Emotional intelligence is the secret to lasting intimate relationships, largely because it makes us extremely aware of the changes—large and small—that occur in ourselves and others. It also gives us a better understanding of how our emotions affect other people. “It can provide you with insights into how your words or actions will impact another person,” says Dr Travis Bradberry, co-author of Emotional Intelligence 20/20. “It can help you better understand your own reactions and the reactions of others.”

If you want to have a lasting, intimate relationship, it’s important to build your EQ. When you do, you’ll be able to:

• Understand your own emotions and the emotions of others
• Better manage your emotions in difficult situations
• Communicate more effectively with your partner
• Negotiate conflicts more effectively
• Create a deeper, more meaningful connection with your partner.
• By building your EQ, you’ll have the sensitivity that each of us is always seeking in a significant other.

Understand your own emotions and the emotions of others

The first step to building emotional intelligence is to become more aware of your own emotions. “When you’re emotionally intelligent, you know what your feelings are telling you,” says Dr. Bradberry. You can also see how events in your life affect those feelings.

To develop awareness of your own emotions, start by paying attention to your body. “Your emotions manifest in the physical world,” says Dr. Travis. “When you’re stressed, for example, you’ll feel it in your stomach or chest.” You may also notice that certain thoughts or memories trigger strong emotional reactions within you.

Once you’ve become more aware of your own emotions, you’ll want to start becoming aware of the emotions of others. This can be difficult, but it’s important if you want to have a lasting relationship. “You need to develop empathy for other people,” says Dr. Bradberry. “That means trying to understand how they feel and what’s going on in their lives.”

To do this, you’ll want to pay attention to other people’s facial expressions and body language. “The way someone moves their face or holds their body can tell you a lot about what they’re feeling,” says Dr. Bradberry.

You’ll also want to listen closely when your partner speaks, especially if he or she is upset about something. “Active listening involves repeating back to your partner what you think they’re saying, in your own words,” says Dr. Bradberry. “This helps ensure that you really understand them.”

Better manage your emotions in difficult situations

Once you’ve become more aware of your own emotions and the emotions of others, you’ll want to start learning how to manage them better. “When your emotions are managed well, you’re less likely to fly off the handle or react impulsively,” says Dr. Bradberry.

One way to manage your emotions is to practice self-regulation. This means taking a step back before reacting to a situation. “Ask yourself how important this issue really is and whether reacting angrily is really going to help,” says Dr. Bradberry. “Often, it’s not.”

You can also practice emotional suppression. This means holding in your emotions when they’re inappropriate or unhelpful. “Suppressing your emotions isn’t healthy in the long run, but it can be helpful in certain situations,” says Dr. Bradberry.

Finally, you can practice self-soothing. This means calming yourself down when you’re upset or angry. “One way to do this is by taking a few deep breaths,” says Dr. Bradberry. You might also try stretching or going for a walk around the block until your emotions subside.”

Communicate more effectively with your partner

Once you’ve become more aware of your own emotions and the emotions of others, and you’ve learned how to better manage them, it’s time to start working on communicating with your partner more effectively.

One way to do this is by using “I” statements. This means expressing how you feel without blaming your partner. “For example, you might say ‘I feel overwhelmed when we have guests over’ instead of ‘You make me so angry when we have guests over,'” says Dr. Bradberry.

You can also use reflective listening to communicate with your partner better. This involves paraphrasing what your partner has said in order to show that you understand them. “For example, you might say ‘It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed right now,'” says Dr. Bradberry.

Finally, be sure to avoid using absolutes when communicating with your partner. For example, don’t say things like “You always do this” or “You never listen to me.” This will only make your partner feel defensive and less likely to want to listen to what you have to say.

Conclusion

In order to become more emotionally intelligent, you’ll need to start paying attention to how your emotions manifest in both your body and your mind. Emotional intelligence is the key to lasting relationships because it allows us to be extremely aware of the changes happening in ourselves and others. By building your EQ, you’ll have the sensitivity that each of us is always seeking in a significant other. With this awareness, you’ll be able to communicate more effectively with your partner and manage your emotions better in difficult situations.